the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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