Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
