we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
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My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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