i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
