I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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