Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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