did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
