Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
