Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
