Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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