@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
