3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i dont even know how to be here
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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