My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
