that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
