I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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