Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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