this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
