somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
