life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize