Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Swine flu. Run for my life!

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(417): View more from Missouri

I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride

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(647): View more from Ontario

Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.

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(702): View more from Nevada

His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.

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(310): View more from California

i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now

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(512): View more from Texas

And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face

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