I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have post one night stand depression
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
