YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
