i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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