first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
