I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I want to be your penis for a week.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
