soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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