im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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