She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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