You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
