I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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