he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this will be a night to untag.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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