yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
