Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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