smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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