I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
smell my finger.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
