There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
