I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
