I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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