she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
