atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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