at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Randomize
