There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize