I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
