he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
