Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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