Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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