The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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