how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
