you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
