I want to make a zoo with you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
