bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
