I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
