You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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