Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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