You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize