btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You can't just leave with hair like that
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
