You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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