absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
