also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
