I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
