doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
