Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
