Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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