Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
