Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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